From Me & Marilyn

Ive posted this photo before and Im posting it again because I want people to understand what it feels like to be a woman believing that sex and your body is your greatest and sometimes even only asset because I am 1 of MILLIONS who have felt this way.

I grew up hearing how "hot" I was on the regular. I had a fan club of boys and they used to literally chase me around at parties. I was "boys choice of girlfriend" and "best looking" in school. I made great money as a spokesmodel....

And in a way it was fun- because who doesn't love attention. But at the same time it was AWFUL to be looked at as an object and disrespected.

And yet, as I grew up the more and more I was told that my body was my worth, the more I used it in all the wrong ways.

I auditioned for dumb blondes and prostitutes for the most part. I tried to play the ingenue and was told I was too sexy and couldn't do it. I had men say I should do Playboy.

So naturally I took all that feedback from the world and I believed it. I took my "greatest gift" and objectified myself even more.

For the most part too it wasn't on purpose. It was a subconscious thing happening in the background, but it was controlling all my decisions and actions.

And even though I told myself I loved it, inside I was desperately heartbroken and sad.

And the worst part... was that I was the one who had created this caricature of myself because what I had built was based on the feedback of the world.

I really just wanted to be loved and accepted, but I went about it in all the wrong ways and it caused me a LOT of pain.

It took me years to untangle myself from this confusion and learn that while my body is my greatest gift in many ways, I don't have to serve myself up on a platter to get people to like me.

And if I want to be respected for who I TRULY AM, it's ok to let the "sex goddess" go.

Why am I sharing this? Because I think this is just a tiny insight into how complex and deep the psychology and programming of this epidemic runs. Because, I didn't learn this way of being overnight.

I learned it by watching TV. I learned it by idolizing Marilyn Monroe (who felt the same way BTW). I learned it by listening to others and not being taught to listen to myself.

The truth is, I knew all along who I was on the inside, I just didn't show it because I thought THIS woman right here was the one that made me attractive. and worthy. Turns out I was wrong.

I invite you to rethink what you’ve been taught about what makes a woman attractive, powerful and worthy. It’s one of the keys to setting us all free from this vicious cycle we’re in.

Love Me and Marilyn Monroe